Death is such a painful and emotional period for a family. It manages to withhold control of one’s emotions, and lose focus on other event’s. Everything reminds one of the person who they lost, whether it’s a building, or a song. Personally, seeing my father going through the lost of his brother haunts me, I see his tears when I think randomly of family events, and I hear his sobs whenever I see cars passing by. It’s taking a toll on him badly. I can’t stand to see it. 

“The most lively thought is still dimmer than the dullest sensation.”

I’ve read this in philosophy, analyzed it fully for a paper, and finally agreed with myself that I agree with this statement. Thoughts that we have in our mind, as creative and imaginative as they seem, are simply not the same as experiences we have. Thoughts have a way of manipulating situations, creating similar experience, and change our views on what the world really is. In a way, thoughts put us in this fake world, and close us from the real world. People rely on stuff they hear and think, rather than experiencing life, and what life has to offer. For example people make judgments of other people without talking to them, feeling them out and sharing common ground with them. It just goes to show you how much we allow our thoughts to control our emotions. Our thoughts could be our worst enemies. 

People rely on me emotionally. Mostly for advice on certain situations. Using certain, strongly, because most people don’t trust what I say,or they rather hear it from someone. For instance, my twin sister would ask me a personal question,receive my input, but rely more on my younger sister’s opinion. I don’t take offense to this notion, but, it does make me wonder sometimes. Why isn’t my input good enough for people? Is it because I’m less experience in life? This questioning usually leads to an exhaustive thinking process that results in nothing. So I try not to worry about it as much, I just brush it off, and move on.

I regret the opportunities I choose to deflect. The ignorance that belittles my soul hasn’t given me the experiences I’ve been looking for. My prejudgment of people affects me in ways that prevent from living my life. The minute I see someone I know do something that, turns me off, I decide to get rid of the friendship entirely, and most of the time regret it. Most of these things that turn me off, later on, seem pointless and forgettable. This frustration advocates the creation of barriers in my life. I decide to close everyone that does something wrong to me immediately, and everyone else who later comes into my life. It’s a habit, I have to change, but don’t want to change.

Naturally, I’m very grateful that I don’t have the power to alter my life. It will be not only be time consuming but mostly frustrating. I would have to look meticulously into the previous events in my life. Then, I would have to sort them out, according to a scale of emotions and adjectives. I would have to really observe and mostly regret which will ultimately leave me feeling hopeless and depressed. As far as this question goes, changing my life around was never a complete thought, and probably won’t be, well at least for now. 

If I can do anything better, is be more optimistic. It feels like an obligation trying to be happy about certain situations in life, especially,when it’s unpredictable. I can’t be happy and excited about a test when I don’t know how the questions are going to look like. I can’t be happy about going to a new school if I don’t know how the people act, or look. The unpredictable scares me often, mostly because it’s foreign, and secondly because it worries me that I won’t be prepared for change. No one can predict the unknown, which makes me wonder at times, why do I think I have that power? Instead of not worrying about something I can’t control, I rack my brain full of pointless things, and think of the worst. If I’m able to control these emotions, then possibly, better yet, definitely, I would be able to live a peaceful life. 

It must be so sad, to see your country in disarray, and have no power to stop such a tragedy. A country, that someone grew up in, fell in love in, and became themselves in, suddenly turns into chaotic mess. And, there’s nothing that they could possibly do, they can’t tell nature to turn around, and leave them with peace. It’s heartbreaking to see a country slowing destruct before your eyes, without getting sad, or distraught.

I’m praying for Hawaii and Japan, but I can’t help but feel, that it’s not enough. 

She wanted to hold him, more than ever before, and her body couldn’t take it. Masking her feelings for him was getting out of hand. She wanted no emotional attachment with him, if anything, she would love to erase him from her memory. This weight on her chest is enlarged and heavy. This love is destroying her slowly, breaking her down dramatically and it wants it’s recognition known. Her hope for this brief interlude in her life to gradually stop has been manifested. She wants to hold him, more than ever before,but her heart is telling her no.

-Amanda Lee