There’s this inevitable feeling of that I’m not going fall in love. The possibility of never having a inseparable bond between someone who is not family. The continuous feeling of seeing something in someone that I absolutely adore. It’s a certainty of not connecting with anyone fully, and not being committed to a relationship. It’s that feeling of not having someone see beautiful qualities that I can’t possibly see for myself.

“Sing for me” She begged of him. They were driving upstate to her parent’s home, the drive was four hours and she was crazily bored. 

He looked at her for a brief moment, moved his mouth pretending to sing a tune, and went back to concentrating on the road . The traffic was steady, cars moved at a normal pace, and surprisingly no accidents. She gripped the bulk of his arm, clutched his skin with her nails, and purred like a cat needing a good rub. She fell in “like” in the summertime, spent almost every waking hour with him, and she hadn’t made love with him. Committed to her word, she promised herself she won’t undress her wounds until she was in love. So far, she lasted for two years, and sometimes longed for someone inside of her. 

“Remember how you sang in the shower?, do it just like that, and I promised I would leave you alone” She put her hands in a prayer stance to emphasize her point.

He fell in love in December, and attempted to attack his feelings with hammer. She leaded the way in their adventures, he was merely the designated driver, and sometimes spoke in her conversations with herself. She did that often, spoke to herself about how she felt, never really speaking to him directly about inner emotions. They met at an hospital, both were there for unfortunate events, and barely separated ever since. She held him hostage sometimes in her house, forced him to watch bad reality t.v. shows, and dance to overbearing house music. But, when she goes outside, she has a new liking, and it kills him. She does stuff at random. 

Once, they were in a supermarket talking about organic foods, and suddenly she disappeared.

“I just don’t see the point of eating organic foods, we all are going to die anyways, might as well eat what we enjoy” He said, grabbing the nearest saltiest popcorn he can find.

“That’s the thing, there are so many premature deaths in the world, which could all be prevented if we stop damaging our bodies” She looked at him intently, went into the shopping cart, and grabbed the popcorn out.

He was about to refute her idea of healthy living, when suddenly she was under his nose. She was inches shorter than him. so she always managed to be under him, but never this close. Making him even more uncomfortable, she pushed him out of the aisle, into an open area full of people, and dived her mouth into his lips. Her tongue went all around his mouth clumsily and stayed there for a minute.He didn’t want to touch her because he feared she would stop. After all, they never kissed before, and never been with each other on an intimate level. Instead, he pushed his hands into his pockets, and let her take control. She grabbed at his shirt attempting to rip it off, and lowered her hands down to genitals. People started to gather around, most were appalled, and embarrassed parents covered their curious children’s eyes. She was about to unzipper his pants, when finally a cashier had enough, and demanded an end to the madness. But, she kept going. She pulled the little bits of his hairs, clutching onto it for dear life, and gnawed at his lips. Like a predator coming after his prey, she held him and refused to let go. He felt like his genitals was about to explode in his pants. Before his body can resist temptation, she finally stopped. She removed himself from under him, pulled herself together, and walked out of the doors. He couldn’t figure out what made her do that impulse move, but it made him come out of skin. And, oddly enough, he liked it.

Memories of you are synchronized in my head. 

Like rose petals, falling off a flower, you’ve fallen into my mind.

I can’t imagine replacing you with another.

Like a mother watching her child leave, I can’t seem to let go.

Whether friend or foe, I need you in my life.

Like fish who need water, like a kid in a candy store.

Love isn’t the same without you,but life happens to be just as good without you.

I Don’t know how to expell these feelings, in poetry, or a song.

Maybe, I’ll go away, far away, so your face isn’t everywhere I go.

Everywhere I go in this town, I think of you, your tongue lingers in my mouth.

Your touch caresses my soul, and words entrap my world.

I can’t imagine life without you, dear boy, but I know I got to.

-Amanda Lee

Come up to meet you 

Tell you I’m sorry

You don’t know how lovely you are

I had to find you

Tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets

And ask me your questions

Oh let’s go back to the start

Running in circles; coming up tails

Heads on a silence apart 

-“The Scientist” by ColdPlay

Please remember me, happily
By the rosebush laughing
With bruises on my chin, the time when
We counted every black car passing

Your house beneath the hill and up until
Someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range, a piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention

But please remember me, fondly
I heard from someone you’re still pretty
And then they went on to say that the Pearly Gates
Had some eloquent graffiti

Like ‘We’ll meet again’ and ‘Fuck the man’
And ‘Tell my mother not to worry’
And angels with their great handshakes
But always done in such a hurry

And please remember me, at Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbors
Our faces painted white, by midnight
We’d forgotten one another

And when the morning came I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world and then returned
And now you’re lit up by the city

So please remember me, mistakenly
In the window of the tallest tower
Call, then pass us by but much too high
To see the empty road at happy hour

Gleam and resonate just like the gates
Around the Holy Kingdom
With words like, ‘Lost and found’ and ‘Don’t look down’
And ‘Someone save temptation’

And please remember me as in the dream
We had as rug burned babies
Among the fallen trees and fast asleep
Beside the lions and the ladies

That called you what you like and even might
Give a gift for your behavior
A fleeting chance to see a trapeze
Swinger high as any savior

But please remember me, my misery
And how it lost me all I wanted
Those dogs that love the rain and chasing trains
The colored birds above there running

In circles round the well and where it spells
On the wall behind St. Peter
So bright on cinder gray in spray paint
‘Who the hell can see forever?’

And please remember me, seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees, you turn from me
And said the trapeze act was wonderful

But never meant to raplast, the clowns that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs, the parking lot
Had an element of danger

So please remember me, finally
And all my uphill clawing
My dear, but if I make the Pearly Gates
I’ll do my best to make a drawing

Of God and Lucifer, a boy and girl
An angel kissin’ on a sinner
A monkey and a man, a marching band
All around the frightened trapeze swinger

I’m writing you to
catch you up on places I’ve been
And you have this letter
you probably got excited, but there’s nothing else inside it
didn’t have a camera by my side this time
hoping I would see the world through both my eyes
maybe I will tell you all about it when I’m
in the mood to lose my way with words
Today skies are painted colors of a cowboy cliche’
And its strange how clouds that look like mountains in the sky
are next to mountains anyway
Didn’t have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world through both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it when I’m
in the mood to lose my way
but let me say
You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You’ll be with me next time I go outside
No more 3x5’s 
I Guess you had to be there
I Guess you had to be with me 
Today I finally overcame
tryin’ to fit the world inside a picture frame
Maybe I will tell you all about it when I’m in the mood to
lose my way but let me say
You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You’ll be with me next time I go outside
no more 3x5’s
just no more 3x5’s