In the prospect of brooding secretly, she sat in a foreign cafe.

Somewhere near her house due to lack of transportation and to think while walking.

She choose a seat near the window, mainly to watch pediatricians, and to daze off.

There was no one she knew in the cafe, a delicate place where few lurked, and stayed.

She thought of her life, about how complicated it is in general,and how she rarely prayed.

The off the balance of fear and hope in her life, and the uncontrollable urge to break free.

She wondered why happiness was evanescent, why love didn’t last, and why her emotions at times were unbearable.

The server brought her coffee, studied her comely features, and vanished.

She wondered why did life take people on the path of unknown, about the universality of the truth and why there wasnt an elixir for trust.

Why god gives people’s test, why some challenges are not worth the knowledge for later on in life, and as to why can’t pain can be self inflicted.

Above all, she wondered why people come in and out of her life, why people do wrong more often then good, and why she’s not like others.

  

I’m hoping to find a common ground between my insecurities and myself. Wishing for a equilibrium that I’m satisfied with. I bargain with god too much. Simply, relying on him is not good enough for me. Even when I pray, I still seem to worry, instead of letting god worry for me. The distrust I have with religion, people, and places frightens me. To be at peace once in a while would be splendid. To be able to fully trust someone is hard to imagine because I wouldn’t even know where to start. But, I know I have to open up somehow, break bridges, and let life take control.

(Source: mandylee740)

Wow, first of all, let me first point out how thought provoking this question is. I never really thought of the injustices in my life. Mostly, because I believe almost everyone has done wrong to me in life, but maybe that is my pessimistic ways kicking in. Just the little injustices done to me, builds up, and prevents me from trusting just about anyone. I can’t choose the biggest injustices because all of them hurts me deeply. 

• Cheating me from the truth.
• Believing that I’m not good enough to know the truth.
• Hiding secrets from me.
• Being told that I can’t do something.
• Belittling me. 

River Maysby was anything but beautiful. Trash lied on the banks and the grass was turning pale yellow. It was divine a couple of years ago, when the sun shine continuously and the weather made his bones settle. This river used to make this small community looked less gloomy and people’s apprehension to live on this tiny lane started to lessen. But, that was then, and this is now. It seemed like he was walking the wrong direction, everything in his path looked daring. This, if anything, wasn’t home. His family, left a long time ago, and his friends disappeared throughout his years of working. He was alone, more than ever before. His anticipation for  salvage was past due, and his hope for a life more family oriented finally became absent. He was giving up slowly, and his limbs started to feel like they were withering. Love wasn’t apart of his agenda, he has given up so much for that foolish word. He should’ve been in the office by now, but his feet stayed still. The water started to look brown and filthy, there seemed to be no one for improvement. No matter, how much times the city plans to clean up the debris, the damage is done. Somehow and some way, someone is bound to continue to do wreckage. We live in a beautiful world, he thought to himself. This was a foreign place to him, and for once in his life there was a mass confusion running through his brain. He knew he didn’t go into a coma, or black out continuously throughout the years of his youth. But, for some reason, he forgot that his world was slowly breaking apart and his body, better yet his soul, forbid him to change his circumstances. These days he didn’t sleep as much as he should, so underneath his eyes was blacken, and his eyes was blood shot red. It could’ve been the drinking or maybe it was the hurt finally came into place but sometime during these nights, his soul vanished. He didn’t talk to anyone, with fear that he would contemplate with his emotions once again. Fortunately, he ate during these past few night, but barely. Only if his stomach was touching his back was when he felt it was necessary for to eat, otherwise his main concern was seeing when would she come. In the past, he wasn’t desperate, majority of the time, he would use his way with words, his masculinity and ego would boost back up. But, it was with her, that his words fumbled and mostly felt inferior. This inferiority caused his heart to skip a beat and his love for her started to shape his emotions. She was aggressively passive and the more he talked to her, the less amicable she became. He couldn’t understand her fury with this world. She said once, in passing, that this world wasn’t for her. Not once, did he think that she meant it though. He let her explore whenever she pleased, while he stayed home and wait for her return. He has been silent for the past 144 hours and his mouth watered for truth. He looked foolish with a tee shirt that smelled like perspiration in the middle of winter. She kept her legs closed whenever she was around him, but she claims she did enough throughout her life. He knelt down and punched the ground. He cursed himself each time for backing out so soon. If anything, he sacrificed so much for someone who didn’t returned the favor. He stood up once again, but his confidence still was on the ground. One feet went into the water and then the other. His soul waved goodbye to him and in response he kissed it goodnight. He didn’t define his life as manageable but for some reason someone with so much uncertainty in her life balanced out his own. During her exploration, she decided not to return. He waited long enough, he realized, and ventured on with his plans. His tee shirt turned murky brown. The water touched his neck and his mouth tasted discomfort. It wasn’t until his eyes closed and his head went underwater, that his soul decided to walk away. For good. 

-Amanda Lee

Him: Even kites need something to hold them up.
Her: So, what does that have to do with me?
She was sick of his intellectual talk.
Him: I'm saying if you don't let me be there for you, the girl I once knew and loved,the soul I cared about; would vanish just like a kite without support, forget about me, do you want to vanish?, all because you fear trust?
-Amanda Lee